It’s Great to be Alive

By: John Maloney

Hello everybody. The Spectator is back! For how long, I don’t know because I turned 97 a few months ago. I’ve had the pleasure of writing for this paper since around 1980 and it’s certainly good to be back again. Heck, at my age, it’s great to be anywhere!

These have been terrible, terrible months with the pandemic. And all the changing rules with masks: Don’t wear a mask … Wear a mask …Wear two masks … Wear a mask indoors … The only person happy these days is the Lone Ranger!

Anyway, while I was sitting around during the months of the pandemic, I wrote a little song that I kept singing to myself every day to keep happy. Here it goes, sung more or less to the 1942 tune, Hip Hip Hooray (We’re Livin’ in the USA):

Hip hip hooray

We’re living in the USA!

Hip hip hooray

We’re gonna drive that virus away!

We’re gonna dance down the streets of old Broadway

We’re gonna have a drink in our old café

Hip hip hooray

We’re living in the USA

 

Hip hip hooray

Throw that mask away

Hip hip hooray

No more six feet to obey

We’re gonna be as close

You and me

As close as any hug can be

Hip hip hooray

We’re living in the USA

Hip hip hooray

God loves the USA!

So that kept me busy for awhile. It also got me thinking that things could be worse. So, I made a list of some things that you know are going to make for a bad day when they happen:

  • Your twin brother forgets your birthday
  • It costs more to fill your car than it did to buy it
  • Governor Cuomo thanks you for the advice you gave during the pandemic
  • You put your bra on backwards and it fits better
  • You reach into your pocket and find another hand there
  • You clean your chimney in June and discover Santa Claus stuck there
  • The shoes under your bed are a size twelve and you wear a size nine
  • Aliens from outer space refuse to abduct you
  • Your husband, taking his driving test, backs into a car with flashing red lights
  • Lawn doctor pulls the plug on your lawn
  • Your doctor tells you to take one pill a day for the rest of your life and only give you five

Yes, dear readers, there are good days and bad days. Thank God for all the good ones!!