The Spectator: To wear or not to wear

BY THE SPECTATOR, JOHN MALONEY

Remember the old saying, “You can have the shirt off my back?” Now it seems the trend seems to be “Take that shirt off your back!” More explicitly, “Take off what’s written on your shirt.”

Some time ago we read in all the newspapers and saw on TV the story about the teenage girl who got into trouble with her teachers and her school because she wore a shirt that said, “Barbie is a Lesbian.” I always looked upon Barbie as a doll and a cute one as that.

For whatever reasons, people today use their T-shirts and tops to advertise all sorts of slogans and messages. The Spectator did some research and discovered that since Biblical times, people have worn shirts or togas that sent out a message, clear and loud.

Below are some of the messages that appeared on shirts, togas or animal skins in the past. So you see, there’s nothing new under the sun.

  • Custer rode sidesaddle
  • Peter Pan swings
  • Firestone gets tired easily
  • Jack Daniels likes his liquor!
  • Newton is a fig
  • Killer Cain
  • Dracula sucks
  • Pinocchio is a dummy
  • Go fly a kite, Franklin
  • Washington has a wooden bridge
  • Don’t trust Judas
  • King Kong is a social climber
  • Lindebergh does it solo!
  • Tinkerbell is a fairy
  • Robin Hood wears tights
  • Dick Tracy is a copout
  • Go to hell, Dante!
  • Poe is Raven mad
  • Beau Brummel is a dandy
  • Beavers give a damn
  • Monet has a yellow streak
  • Tom Edison turns me on!
  • I thirst after peanuts
  • Nathan puts on the dog
  • Tony Bennett is heartless
  • Homer is Greek to me!
  • King Neptune is all wet
  • Jack the Ripper is a cut-up
  • Joe DiMaggio plays the field
  • Winnie the Pooh bares it all
  • I get a charge from Con Edison!
  • Adam has no belly button
  • Oscar is Wilde!
  • Sinatra is Frank
  • Michelangelo paints by the numbers
  • Folger’s is a drip
  • The Centaur is a horse’s ass
  • Milton loves blind dates
  • There’s something fishy about Mrs. Paul
  • Dr. Spock is infantile!
  • Johnson & Johnson are stuck on each other
  • Mr. Goodyear is full of air
  • Houdini escapes me!

What’s on your T-shirt!?