BY JOHN MALONEY
Well, here we are with another Father’s Day just around the corner. I don’t know why it is but Mother’s Day gets more attention and coverage all over than Father’s Day! Hey, if it weren’t for fathers, there wouldn’t be any Mother’s day. The Spectator began to think about what famous men and women through the ages might have given their fathers as a gift for Father’s Day.
Napoleon – gave his dad Austria and Hungary
Einstein – gave his dad a piece of his mind!
George Washington – gave his dad a cherry pie
Abe Lincoln – gave his dad some logs to play with
Tom Edison – gave his dad a bill for electricity
Liberace – gave his dad an old tuxedo and some candle sticks
General Patton – gave his dad two German generals
Henry Ford – gave his dad two spare tires and a quart of oil
Michelangelo – gave his dad two cans of paint
Lady Gaga – gave her dad a headache!
President Trump – gave his dad “Chuck” Schumer
The Godfather – gave his dad two days to get out of town
General Grant – gave his dad half a case of bourbon. He kept the other half for himself!
Moses – gave his dad the 11th Commandment “Thou shalt not swim after eating.”
Frank Sinatra – gave his dad a clock that went “ring-a-ding-ding”
Hillary – gave her dad Bill Clinton. He returned the gift!
Cleopatra – gave her dad a tomb!
Jesse James – gave his dad a bank in Missouri
Charlie Chaplin – gave his father “the silent treatment”
Teddy Roosevelt – gave his dad a big stick and his father beat him with it
Alexander Graham Bell – gave his father a busy signal
Laurel and Hardy – threw a pie in their dad’s face
Sir Walter Raleigh – gave his dad a pipe
Marco Polo – gave his dad some Chinese food
Sherlock Holmes – didn’t have a clue what to give his dad, so he gave him nothing
Sigmund Freud – gave his dad two more hours on the couch
The Johnson Brothers – gave their dad a years supply of Band-Aids
Stephen Foster – gave his dad an “Old Kentucky Home”
Walt Disney – gave his dad a real mouse
Captain Kidd, the pirate – gave his dad the plank!
Tennessee Williams – gave his dad “A Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
Former President Obama – gave his dad Obamacare
Houdini – made his dad disappear. He didn’t have to give him a gift
Adam and Eve – were lucky. They had no dad to give a gift to
Noah – gave his dad a boat ride in a zoo!
King Henry VIII – gave his dad some of the wives he didn’t want any more
Former Pres. Jimmy Carter – gave his dad a bushel of peanuts
Fred Astaire – gave his dad a worn out pair of dancing shoes.
Derek Jeter – the great Yankee gave his dad a season box seat at the stadium. His father was really a Met fan
Frankenstein – gave his dad the finger!
Robert Louis Stevenson – gave his dad a Treasure Island and a map to go with it
Happy Father’s Day to all you dads out there!