“MEAT UP AT THE MALL?” Texas De Brazil

FOLLOW OUR MYSTERY RESTAURANT INDUSTRY INSIDER AS HE (AND HIS FRIEND) SAMPLE THE CUISINE OF ROCKLAND COUNTY

Full disclosure: I am kind of a city guy and was pretty bummed walking into the mall to have dinner. I naturally parked as far from Texas De Brazil as humanly possible and arrived a few scant minutes before my partner arrived.

She sure does light up a room. The room is beautiful, bathed in a sea of deep reds and accented by flower arrangements and chandeliers.

We both ate very little all day and eagerly we were sat by a professional hostess.

GF: I am starving. I worked out hard too so I am ready to go…

Me: I am light headed I am so hungry.

Our waitress arrives promptly, explains the concept and takes our drink order. Knowing we are going to crush copious carcass we order a bottle of Meiomi Pinot Noir. Meiomi is a pinot noir on steroids and can stand up to the onslaught.

Our full dinners cost $44.95 and include unlimited trips to the salad bar, sides and unlimited meats. The waitress explains our RED/GREEN buttons on our table and that servers will continue to offer fresh sliced/carved meats until we turn our button over to red.

GF: Good energy in here. The room is beautiful.

Me: I wish they blocked out the view to the mall. Let’s hit this salad bar.

I am a little bit of a germ-a-phobe. Salad bars kind of gross me out a little. Not here. This mega-cooled island is keeping every offering icy cold, fresh and looking delicious. From the grilled pineapple, to the peppers, the lettuces the cheese and charcutierie…this station is so cold and immaculate I even flake off a nice piece of delicious smoked salmon. That’s how nice it is. I would NEVER eat chilled fish from salad bar. A very helpful server later explained that the salad bar is indeed state of the art. He got technical but I was drunk on meat and I lost most of his description..

GF: I grabbed you a lobster bisque. Wait until you try it..

Me: Wow. This is one of the best lobster bisques I have ever had.

GF: Velvet smooth, hint of sweetness and some nice chunks of lobster..

Her eyes are like blue diamonds as she describes the awesome soup. Every morsel of food I took from that oasis is amazing. From the crisp romaine lettuce, the grilled provolone cheese and down to the baby gurkin pickle everything is top notch.

GF: I like their outfits. They have a touch of MC Hammer to them.

The server pants do flare out on the sides and taper to the hip and ankle. Very Z Cavaricci…and I just really dated myself.

Me: I like the smiles. Everybody that has come to our table was in damn good spirits.

GF: I know and it has made you less grumpy. It’s like contagious.

We were starving and the waves kept coming. Lamb chops, flank steak, filet mignon, filet mignon wrapped in bacon, top round, lamb shank and others kept visiting our table. Sometimes the server would ask you to use tongs and capture your cut as it cascaded off the giant skewer.

Me: This flank steak is ridiculous.

GF: Try it with the chimichurri sauce.

Me: Been there already…I’m dipping it in the bisque already.

GF: Great idea. Wow.

The affable swarm of servers even brought us extra rare chunks of filet mignon as we requested. The meats were all outstanding but the flank steak and bacon wrapped filet were my favorites. My partner love the top round which was a special offering.

We finished our meal with two potent espressos and two desserts. The pecan pie and cheesecake were very good and we felt no remorse having dessert in the shadow of a Cheesecake Factory awning.

Final Grade:

GF: I am very impressed. Wasn’t expecting the level of service and how much fun it was. I do feel like a bit of a glutton.

Me: I am very full too. That may be my only complaint. The pleasant nature of the staff, their product knowledge and execution helped make the meal.

GF: I would definitely come back. Fun with a group, business function and relatives visiting…

Me: Not so good for a first or early date though. I am way to full to think romance and the mall itself is not so sexy.

GF: Good thing there is no romance here…

ME: 3.5 Rocks. I shall return.

GF: 3.5 Rocks. I will check to see if they have the lobster bisque and will happily return.