“Christmas Past and Presents”

BY THE SPECTATOR, JOHN MALONEY

Well, the reason of giving is certainly here! Black Friday started the frenzy and it continues until Christmas day! The Spectator would like to tell you about some presents that were received by the famous and perhaps infamous people in the past and present.

Nero- a fiddle and a box of matches.

Joan of Arc- a toy soldier set.

Michelangelo- a paint by the number set.

Donald Trump- a game of Monopoly.

Houdini- a book of magic tricks.

Frank and Jesse James- toy cap guns.

George Washington- an axe.

Abraham Lincoln- a set of logs.

George Custer- an Indian costume.

Ghandi- a dozen diapers.

Marco Polo- gift certificate to a Chinese restaurant.

Lauren Bacall- a whistle.

Dracula- a pint of blood.

Gen Grant- a case of whiskey.

David- a slingshot.

Charles Landberg- a toy plane.

Ben Franklin- a kite.

Newton- a basket of apples.

Mae West- an escalator to her apartment.

Harry James- a trumpet.

Edgar Bergan- a dummy.

Julius Caesar- some Gaul.

Michael Jackson- another white glove.

Little Derek Jeter- a baseball glove.

Little Lebron James- a basketball.

Tarzan- lots of vines.

Venus De Milo- a pair of gloves.

Humpty Dumpty- some gorilla glue.

Popeye- his own spinach farm.

Lady GaGa- a fashion designer.

Young Rev. Sharpton- a policeman’s uniform.

Morse- lots of dots and dashes.

Mayor DiBlasio- a PBA membership.

Confucious- Chinese fortune cookies.

Wimpy-a gift certificate to McDonalds.

Dagwood- a shirt with more than one button.

Pinocchio- a gift with no strings attached.

Young Fred Astaire- tap shoes.

Paul Revere- a bull horn.

Young Einstein- a math tutor.

Oliver Twist- a second helping.

President Obama- his original birth certificate.

Satan- lots of firewood.

Hilary Clinton- save her gift until 2016!

Ed Day- honorary Sheriff’s badge!

Commissioner Bratton- Peace on Earth!

Well there you have it! I think dear readers can come up with many more! Next Thursday is Christmas day and so I wish all of you and the staff at Rockland County Times a Blessed and Merry Christmas and a healthy New Year!