What’s on Your Shirt?

HUMOR BY THE SPECTATOR, JOHN MALONEY
Some time ago we read in all the newspapers and saw on TV, the story about the teenage girl who got in trouble with her teachers and her school because she wore a shirt that said, “Barbie is a Lesbian.” I always looked upon Barbie as a doll and a cute one at that.
For whatever reasons, people today use their t-shirts and tops to advertise all sorts of slogans and messages. The Spectator did some research and discovered that since Biblical times, people have worn shirts or togas that sent out a message, loud and clear.
Below are some of the messages that appeared on shirts, togas or animal skins in the past. So you see, there’s nothing new under the sun.
  • Peter Pan swings
  • Firestone gets tired easily
  • Jack Daniels likes his liquor!
  • Newton is a fig
  • Killer Cain
  • Dracula sucks
  • Pinocchio is a dummy
  • Go fly a kite, Franklin
  • Don’t trust Judas
  • King Kong is a social climber
  • Lindbergh does it solo!
  • Tinkerbell is a fairy
  • Robin Hood wears tights
  • Dick Tracy is a copout
  • Go to hell, Dante!
  • Poe is Raven mad
  • Beau Brummel is a dandy
  • Beavers give a damn
  • Monet has a yellow streak
  • Tom Edison turns me on!
  • I thirst after peanuts
  • Nathan puts on the dog
  • Tony Bennet is heartless
  • Homer is Greek to me!
  • King Neptune is all wet
  • Jack the Ripper is a cut-up
  • Joe DiMaggio plays the field
  • Winnie the Pooh bares it all
  • I get a charge from Con Edison!
  • Adam has no belly button
  • Oscar is Wilde!
  • Sinatra is Frank
  • Michelangelo paints by the numbers
  • Folger’s is a drip
  • The Centaur is a horse’s ass
  • Milton loves blind dates
  • There’s something fishy about Mrs. Paul
  • Dr. Spock is infantile!
  • Johnson & Johnson are stuck on each other
  • Mr. Goodyear is full of air
  • Houdini escapes me!
  • Caesar has some Gaul
  • The escalator gets me down
  • Jeter is a hit with me
  • Prunes make me go
  • Moses divides
  • Johnny Walker is black and blue
  • Tarzan Swings!
  • Fishermen are for reel!
  • Hey Keroult- hit the road
  • Sea biscuit is a racist
  • Whistler is off his rocker
  • Revlon is a put on
  • Boar’s Head is full of baloney
  • The Jets are powerless
  • Well, there you are. I don’t know if any the people wearing those t-Shirts were expelled or arrested. But let the wearer beware!