BY STEPHANIE DOLCE
September 11th is among us once again. Each year at this time I sit back and reflect.
I reflect on my life, situations and people around me and of course, the subject of love.
As a dating/relationships writer I can tell you something: It’s so EASY for some people to write this stuff BUT the one element I find that is missing is the fact that we are all human and have emotions.
Laying down “the rules” of relationships from don’t text him, let him chase you, to if he does this it means that… are easy because most writers of this stuff leave out emotions.
Love isn’t a thought, it’s a feeling. I think most people forget that. You don’t wake up one morning and say, “Boy, I think I am going to love her today!” And then the next day decide you aren’t anymore. It doesn’t work that way.
So, here I am supposed to write about relationships, dating and issues that deal with those topics. But today, I will reflect on life, life and my pursuit of happiness. First and foremost, I don’t want a man to give me everything I want. I just need a man to be everything I need. I need him to trust me with his deepest secrets and feelings. I need him to love me when I am emotional, angry, happy, and silly. I need him to support my dreams. I need him to want me to care for him. And I need him to want to be my best friend. What I don’t want is for him to feel that he can’t communicate what he is thinking, feeling or what he needs in fear that I won’t take it at face value.
One thing I have learned in life is that it’s very easy to tell people to “let it go” when you are not the one doing the letting go. People tell you, “He isn’t the one,” or “I don’t think you should date her,” not because they are being “helpful” but because a) sometimes jealousy is that ugly, and b) it’s easy to tell people not to do something since they don’t live with the decision.
We do not have a limit on how much love we have to share, to accept, to give or to get. Therefore, don’t write off anyone until you truly get to know them. You’d be surprised just how many people wish they ended up with someone AFTER the fact that the realized they were truly wrong about someone. People tend to forget that they may have heard stories, but stories aren’t always true. Don’t be mad when someone else starts to appreciate the person you took for granted.
And there also lies the problem. Sometimes we wait in life for things to be absolutely perfect before we either tell someone how we feel, before we take on the job of our dreams, or before we do something that we have always wanted to do. BUT, if you wait too long for the perfect moment, the perfect moment will pass you by. The greatest weakness of most people is that they hesitate to express to others how much they love them while they’re alive. We all deserve love, respect and affection. The best feeling in the world is love, it’s the thing that keeps you up at night and makes you do something crazy. (And trust me, I have done crazy & creative things for people who I love!)
What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be. We were never given any instructions on how to live, we just did what we thought was right & that’s how we came to be who we are. Life is full of obstacle’s, some bigger than others. It’s how we get over the hurtles that defines who we are. Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it. Expect to get hurt but don’t change into someone you’re not because of it.
As I sit here and think about my life and where I want to be, the words, “what if” play in my head. That question alone can make anyone simply crazy! So remember, it’s better to take a chance & go all in than to always wonder what might have been.
If you never act, you will never know for sure. And you will be left standing in the same spot forever.