BY STEPHANIE DOLCE
If my dad never walked up the stairs as my mom walked down the same stairs at work, many years ago, I wouldn’t be here writing this! This weekend my brother marries the girl of his dreams. The story of how they almost met years prior to when they actually did meet, had me question if fate and destiny truly exists or do we meet people just by coincidence?
Fate and destiny are two topics that are hard to grasp and truly understand. But considering every action you’re going to undertake in your future is based off of the millions of actions you’ve taken before and that everything does happen for a reason, are we just making the “choices” that are written in the stars for us and passing it off as “free will?”
I mean, why would it be fate to meet someone, fall head over heels for each other, to only then have to “fight” for that person to stay in your life because they freaked out? As I struggle to find proof, I come across, some interesting facts. In your brain when you make decisions, everything in your brain functions, each individual cell, because of collisions and electrical impulses. All of these are predictable. Unless people have something that makes them do truly random things that can’t be predicted, everything we do is set in stone. But as some scientists argue, you can’t predict every moment of every particle. And what happens when some particles go off course?
According to the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, it is impossible to know everything about a system, not because of limitations due to the measurer, but down to the fundamental uncertainty in the universe. Of course, I don’t quite see how the uncertainty principle disproves a predetermined fate.
Yes, everyone is going to die. That can be understood to illustrate that life is predetermined and there is nothing you can do about it. But there are three elements—fate, effort, and time—conjointly affect the course of one’s life. There is an example of a farmer, whose crop depends on three factors: planting, rain, and time. Planting represents effort, and rain represents fate. If the farmer plants but there are no rain, he’ll have no crop. And if it rains but he hasn’t planted, he’ll have no crop. Both fate and effort are required, as is time. If we act properly and perform dedicated activities, we are awarded good fortune, and if we act wrongful, we have to suffer. Over time, good fate manifests as situations favorable to our endeavor and bad fate as unfavorable situations. Destiny may even give us enjoyment or suffering without much endeavor, as for like, being born in a rich family and very intelligent or diseased body or born in a poor family are examples of this.
Now getting back to talking about if we are we destined to be with someone. If there was ever a love story to make me believe in fate and destiny, it’s my brother’s story. There were so many unusual things that happened to my brother and his future wife outside of their control that it seems like the universe was just bringing them closer and closer. And now they are getting married!
Now I started to think about my situation I find myself in. The universe works in mysterious ways and my current situation needed to happen so that we both could meet. If it is your destiny to be together then nothing will stop it. Fate says that whatever will happen will happen.
If I never came back to coaching basketball this year, would I have ever met someone that is very important to me? If I never worked at a certain preschool years and years ago, I would never have became good friends with someone who is one of my closest friends today. If I never reached out to volunteer coaching cheerleading for Pop Warner over fifteen years ago, I would have never had an opportunity to coach college. If I never tried online dating, I would have never started writing about dating and relationships. If I never did certain things in my life, I would not be where I am today.
There is a saying, “right place, at the right time,” and I definitely feel that has to do with fate. As sometimes you need to be in relationships that are not so right for you to make you ready for the one that you are meant for. But dealing with love is something more than just dealing with fate and destiny.
Love is not a thought, it’s a feeling. You can’t change your mind about someone once they have entered your heart. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn’t love you were in. There are no ‘exit’ signs in love; there is only an ‘on’ ramp. They say that when you met “the one,” you get this deep feeling inside you that never wades, it just grows stronger with time. I guess that is why we all get caught up in believing in happy endings, because when we get such deep feelings as I have gotten, that is all we can think about, talk about, and dream about.
But in books when we get to the happy ending the story is over. I don’t want my story to end because it’s only beginning. Even though there are bumps in the roads, it’s the bumps in the road that make me realize just how important and fragile love truly is. Maybe that’s why some relationships fall apart. They fall apart not just because fate wanted to teach you about love, but to bring you to the person you are meant for. Sometimes fate pushes two people who are meant for each other apart, just so they can realize that their lives are better together, not apart.
And if by chance he is reading this, I truly believe that no matter how long it may take, or how complicated it may get at times, true love will A L W A Y S find a way. Love and forgiveness cannot be separated. To truly love, you must forgive. To truly forgive, you must love. If I had to pick one day in my life to live forever, it would be the day I met you.
This weekend romance is in the air. My brother marries someone who loves him for him, who understands him and who is going to make him happy for the rest of his life. If they met earlier than they did, maybe this weekend would not have been happening. That’s the thing with fate, timing is everything. Congratulations to my brother and my new sister. Can’t wait to see both of you sparkle and shine.