For the love of cupcakes

HUMOR BY ELLA STEINBECK

She's dark... she's dangerous... she's RCT humor columnist Ella Steinbeck
She’s dark… she’s dangerous… she’s RCT humor columnist Ella Steinbeck

I love cup cakes. I was sure that there could never be enough places in the world that sold them. I mean who can’t use a little happiness in their mouth? I just read that a large cupcake franchise is closing its doors. How can this be? Is it the end of the cupcake? Is another “sweet” taking over?

In New York City we have several cupcake stores to choose from. You can get big, medium, or even teeny tiny cupcakes. The big cupcake place is the one closing. Is size the reason? Can you have too much of a good thing? Maybe we’ve decided that less is more. In a give –me- more- more-more society that can’t be it. So what could it be?

I made a checklist of what cupcakes offer:

1) moist cake

2) delicious frosting

3) occasional pudding filling

4) toppings

5) joy

6) cavities

7) gluten

I’m wondering if this could this be a gluten issue? Cavities have been around forever so let’s rule them out. Can it be that society has turned its back on flour? I can’t believe it! I am outraged! Gluten-free bakeries are popping up all over the place. I don’t want a gluten free cupcake. I’m not allergic to gluten and most of the rest of the population isn’t either. You are all being brain washed to hate something that gives this Cake-Lover meaning to life.

It must be that the “glutenistas” unfounded hatred and intolerance closed the cupcake chain. Don’t quote me on that. I could be wrong. It could have had nothing to do with gluten. It’s possible there was some bad financial decisions or a sneaky employee who embezzled millions. Total possibilities. Either way, it’s not right. I’d like to join a passion-fueled protest but there aren’t any cupcake advocacy groups. No one is out there to save this breed of desserts. Well, Cupcake, I care. I care a lot and I’m here for you… anytime.