The Spectator: Happy Father’s Day

BY THE SPECTATOR, JOHN MALONEY

Well, here we are with another Father’s Day around the corner. I don’t know why it is but Mother’s Day gets more coverage than Father’s Day! Hey if it weren’t for fathers, there wouldn’t be any Mother’s Day!

I began to think (and I sometimes do) what famous men and women through the ages might have given their fathers as a gift for Father’s Day. When I was a kid growing up (you can’t grow down) we usually gave dad a tie for Father’s Day or “aftershave lotion.”

Here’s my list of what these people gave dad:

Napoleon– gave hisdad Austria and Hungary

George Washington– gave his dad a cherry pie

Abe Lincoln– gave his dad some logs to play with

Bill Clinton– gave his dad some cigars

Thomas Edison– gave his dad a dozen light bulbs

Liberace– gave his dad an old tuxedo

General Patton– gave his dad two German generals

Henry Ford– gave his dad two spare tires and a quart of oil

Lady Gaga– gave her dad a headache

The Godfather– gave his dad two days to get out of town

Michealangelo– gave his dad two cans of paint

Donald Trump– gave his dad a weekend in Atlantic City

General Grant– gave his dad a half-case of whiskey. He kept the other half for himself

President Obama– gave his dad Obamacare

Moses– gave his dad the 11thcommandment

Frank Sinatra– gave his dad a clock that went ‘ring-a-ding-ding

Charlie Chaplin– gave his dad the silent treatment

Jesse James– gave his dad a bank in Missouri

Teddy Roosevelt– gave his dad a big stick

Laurel and Hardy– threw a pie in their dad’s face

Jimmy Carter– gave his dad a bushel of peanuts

Satan– gave his dad Hell!

Sir Walter Raleigh– gave his dad a pipe

Hillary Clinton– gave her dad a signed copy of her latest book

Marco Polo– sent his dad some Chinese food

Stephen Foster– gave his dad an “old Kentucky home”

Sigmund Freud– gave his dad two free hours on the couch

The Johnson Brothers– gave their dad dad a year supply of band-aids

Walt Disney– gave his dad a real mouse

Tennesse Williams– gave his dad a “cat on a hot tin roof”

Tarzan– gave his dad Jane. He hasn’t seem him since

Richard Nixon– gave his dad a rarely use tape recorder

General Custer– sent his dad, a recording of a live Indian War dance

Einstein– gave his dad a set of math problems that he himself couldn’t solve!

Jersey Gov. Christie– gave his dad an e-zee for the George Washington Bridge to be used only during rush hour

Police Commissioner Bratton– gave his dad a ticket for going the wrong way on a one-way street. His father insisted the other drivers were going the wrong.

Gen. MacArthur– gave his dad 100 glossy prints of himself in uniform

The Jersey Chairman of the Palisades Interstate Parkway– gave his dad 10 potholes

Babe Ruth– gave his dad an “old Red Sox uniform” that he wouldn’t need anymore

Mike Tyson– bit his dad’s ear for Father’s Day

Mayor Diblassi– gave his dad a horse and carriage ride through Central Park

Columbus– gave his dad a seat at the back of the boat

Pope Francis– gave his dad a big hug and a royal blessing

Houdini– made his dad disappear and he doesn’t have to give him a gift

 

Oh yes, after President Obama gave his dad Obamacare he exchanged him for 2 terrorists yet to be announced.

God bless our fathers. Happy Father’s Day to all you dads wherever you are