PRAY BALL!

HUMOR BY THE SPECTATOR, JOHN MALONEY
About this time every year, I dust off a column I wrote many years ago for the paper. In fact, it appeared on July 11, 1985. Some of you weren’t even born yet! I’ve added to it from time to time and with baseball  entering the heart of the season, I thought it would be timely.
While perusing the Bible one day from Genesis to Revelation, the idea occurred to me, “Why not a column on the Bible and baseball!”
Here my friends are actual passages from the Bible that have some relation to our national pastime – baseball. I’m sure you can come up with a few more.
“And he will be a wild man.” – Genesis 15.22
“His right hand and arm have brought victory.” – Psalm 98
“Turn to me and be safe.” – Isaiah 45
“My strength was dried up by the summer  heart.” – Psalm 32
How’s this passage for the third base coach: “I will give you counsel with my eyes upon you.” – Psalm 33
“Go home!” – Matthew 2:11
“Get up!” – Matthew 2:13
“Enter through the narrow gate.” – Matthew 7:13
“Out with you!” – Matthew 8:32
“Stand up and walk.” – Matthew 9:5
“Shake the dust from your feet.” – Matthew 10:15
“Play loudly with all your skill.” – Psalm 33
“Cut if off and throw it!” – Matthew 18:8
“Stretch out your hand.” – Matthew 12:13
“Work some signs.” – Matthew 12:38
“He went and took his seat.” – Matthew 13:2
“Dismiss the crowd.” – Matthew 14:15
“All the people clap your hands.” – Psalm 47
“Strike up the instruments.” – Judith 16
“Your saving help has given him glory.” – Psalm 21
Was Matthew referring to steroid scandal when he wrote this line: “It is inevitable that scandal should occur.” – Matthew 18:7
Can’t you just hear an umpire uttering the next one: “Who is this man who utters blasphemies?” – Luke 5:21
How about this line for relief pitchers: “Your saving help has given Him glory.” – Psalm 21
Was Matthew referring to umpires when he wrote this: “Blind fools!” – Matthew 20:4
“Thou shall not steal.” – Matthew 19:18
“They have reason to fear the crowd.” – Matthew 21:46
This might refer to one of those extra, extra inning games: “The night is far spent, the day draws near.” Romans 13:11-14
“We need a sacrifice.” – 1 Kings
“If a man is in the field he must not turn back.” – Matthew 24:18
“The spectators are shouting aloud.” – Act 17:57
“They were running side by side.” – John 20:4
Could this refer to 2007’s New York Mets disaster: “They go out, they got out full of tears.” – Psalm 126
How about this describing a runner leading off first base: “He crouches, preparing to spring.” – Psalm 10
“I find no fault with your sacrifice.” – Psalm 145
Is this a reference to the scoreboards? “Show them a sign in the sky.” – Matthew 16:1
Could this be the late, great Steinbrenner? “I will pay you whatever is fair.” – Matthew 20:4
How about this line for wives of husbands who are baseball fanatics: “You wives must adapt yourselves to your husbands.” – Ephesians 5:22
There you have it. Everything but the peanuts, hot dogs, and cracker jack.  Those you’ll have to provide on your own.  Play ball!  Or should I say pray ball!