I’m Going to Sue You

BY THE SPECTATOR, JOHN MALONEY

A few weeks ago, headlines were made all over the country and every TV station carried the news about a teenage girl who sued the parents and took them to court. She wanted them, among other things other things to pay her college tuition, give her a long weekly allowance and other perks. The case was thrown out of court. The parents should have handed the girl a bill for all the years they fed her, gave her shelter, cleaned her clothes, took her on vacations, bought her clothes, took care of her dental and doctor, took care of her when she was sick, paid for her dental and doctor bills and gave her birthday parties and presents all those years. Just to mention a few things she owed her parents.

The Spectator began to think about other such lawsuits that might have taken place down through the year. Some real characters and some from real characters and some from the land of mother goose and fairy tails.

The children who lived in the Shoe sued the old lady, their mother, who was probably a widow for an undisclosed amount. They charged that the living conditions in the shoe were horrible. No air conditions and she often put them to bed without any supper. With so many children, they claimed she should have practice birth control.

Hansel and Gretel have bought a lawsuit against their parents accusing them of abandoning them.

Little Bo Peep has hired a lawyer and charged her parents with making her take care of sheep at a very tender age. Instead of playing with my friends, she said “I was made to take care of the stupid sheep.”

Jack be Nimble a resident of Mother Goose Land, suffered 2nd degree burns on his fanny when he tried to jump over a lit candlestick. Jack said he wasn’t quick enough to jump over the candle but states that his mother should not have put the lit candle on the floor. “After all, it wasn’t even on my birthday”, he moaned from the hospital. He is suing because he won’t be able to sit down for awhile.

Jack and Jill together are suing their parents for a large amount. Jack still has headaches after falling down the hill and getting a concussion. Jill suffered bruises when she tumbled after Jack. Their lawyers contends that they had to climb a hill looking for water. The parents had enough money to install a faucet in the kitchen. The parents had no response to the lawsuit.

Humpity Dumpity in his lawsuit claims that his life is all scrambled because he fell off the wall. “I told my mom that wall was dangerous but she insisted I sit there while she chatted with neighbors. The lawyer calls it gross negligence. He said Humpity should get eggsactly what he is entitled to.

Frank and Jesse James Have filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit, claiming that all their trouble started when their parents bought them toy-guns for Christmas. “All I wanted was a set of trains”, said Jesse. “I might have became an engineer instead of a bank robber.”

Napoleon The great general has sued his parents because on every birthday, they bought him nothing but toy soldiers and cannons. “My room was cluttered with all kinds of soldiers, hundreds of them and many on horseback. My room was infested with them, he said. What else did I know. I grew up and became a real general. I wanted to be ballet dancer! His attorney claims that Bonaparte’s life fell apart because of the gift of soldiers.

George Washington is suing his father because he bought him the axe with which he chopped down the cherry tree! He claims his dad should not have given him the axe because he was too young. “I wish my dad was sitting in that tree when I cut it down”, said a belligerent George.

Johnny Till the son of William Till the archer, has sued his father for a small fortune. “He made me stand there with an apple on my head while he shot arrows at me. “His attorney claims there was unusual punishment and caused great trauma to the boy. “He still can’t eat apples”, he said.

Watch out you parents out there, you never know when too might be sued!