BY STEPHANIE DOLCE
It has been said that the best relationships start off as friendships and the greatest relationships are the ones you never expected to be in.With Valentine’s day only a week away, not only am I thinking about the cupid project I launched about a month ago, but I am thinking in terms of a certain person that has “popped” into my life and certainly unexpected.
If you read my book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid?” you will see that my dating history has been dramatic, draining, and definitely something you see in a soap opera.
Every guy that I have aggressively gone after, has not been a fan of that approach. But it’s looking at my approach, looking at the guys I have chosen, and realizing that in order for things to turn out the way I want them too, I am the one at the controls. In the book, I point out six lessons learned from all my previous relationships, and in turn that now has helped me understand how I can tweak my approach in order to have the results I want.
Now, I don’t have to go and change who I am from top to bottom, because frankly, I am okay with me being just the way I am: a little bit naughty and a little bit nice all rolled into one fun package. The only thing I have to change and have realized is that men want to be the ones to chase and pursue a relationship, and hate it when it looks like, a woman is aggressively going after him.
To put it simply: A man wants to catch a woman; not be caught.
This for me is hard to do, because I have the inclination to go after what I want and that includes who I want. I would think that he would be flattered, when in fact, that is what is turning them off completely.
So I have learned over the past few months, the tricks of how to flirt while letting a guy know that you are interested without totally having to go “all out” for him:
1) Smile happily while talking to him or waving out to him. And giggle now and then at his jokes.
2) Stare deeply like you want him while talking to him. And glance at him now and then when he’s not close, but look away when he looks at you. It’s all about making him curious.
3) While talking to him, whisper in his ear. First off, you need to get close to him in order to do this, and secondly, the ears are an erogenous zone on men and women. It’s subtle but thrilling, a maneuver that’s sure to send shivers down his spine.
Now, you can flirt while being yourself, which is the cool thing about it. Those who throw pick-up lines and act corny are just wasting time! Not to mention, they look ridiculous while doing it.
So for the past few months, I have unexpectedly found myself wondering if maybe cupid has given me an opportunity to see if I can now apply the lessons learned from my past relationships and approaches.
And this friendship that is now developing at just the right pace is something that I have to smile about. It’s been hard not going all out for him, but that’s the thing; if you keep doing the same thing and expect different results, you are just continuing the cycle and nothing will ever change- ever! But if you tweak things here and there, and realize that you have a chance of making a dream of yours a reality, then you surely have learned from past mistakes.
See, I’m not the type of girl (woman) who needs a man that looks as hot as Zac Efron or Channing Tatum, makes a lot of money like Derek Jeter or Tom Brady, but someone who not only can make me laugh, but someone who supports my dreams, someone who can talk about anything and everything with and someone who isn’t afraid to show some chivalry. I don’t need to be bought with expensive gifts, but just showed that I am appreciated. I love an easy going type, but someone who isn’t afraid of responsibility. It’s not about me ‘fitting into’ your schedule. It’s about you wanting me enough to make the time in your schedule. If I am going to give my 100% to you, then you in turn need to return the investment 100%.
We shall see where this takes me. Is this just going to be a friendship or is this going to turn out to be a friendship turned into something more?
Time will tell. You can’t change the cards life has dealt you, but you can determine the way you’ll play them. Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone’s hand is the beginning of a journey. And the journey has only begun.
THE CUPID PROJECT UPDATE:
** My book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid?” is available in the McNally Jackson Book Store in NYC plus coming April 21, 2014 I will be doing a panel discussion on relationships in the social media world + talking about my groundbreaking investigation on online dating at the Enigma Bookstore in Astoria, NY. Time to be announced. **