BY STEPHANIE DOLCE
Nothing that happens today surprises me, usually. But when a guy friend of mine tells me that an acquaintance we both know is getting married only after dating for one month, the word that goes off in my head is the word that most get defensive when you call them this. The word is desperate. Now, I don’t care if you have known someone for over twenty years or this person is from your past so you know who they are, because the truth of the matter is, you really don’t know someone as well as you think you do.
What I have observed over the past year is that when friends are in a relationship or getting married, most singles feel added pressure that they to, have to be in a relationship and get hitched just to “keep up.” That they actually pick the wrong person to be with, but because they are “desperate” for all the wrong reasons, they give up true happiness. See, most people let their past disappointments cloud their future judgement, which they then in turn regret afterwards.
So, back to my guy friend telling me about this person we both know. I don’t care if he knows you since the third grade, because now you both are adults and it’s no longer worrying if he is going to share his peanut butter and jelly with you. How can after one month of actual dating do you know each other’s politics, beliefs and ideals ? Do you know how the he handles money, stress, and career Do you know hproblems? And the biggest thing is, do you see yourselves in a similar place, five, ten, and fifty years down the road? An eye-opening stat is that 50% of women today, regret marrying their husbands.
Is that the risk you are willing to take just because you are stuck in the “honeymoon” stage of your relationship? The “honeymoon” stage is the lust stage. Most people in this satge “think” they are in love, when in fact, all they have is lust for the person. It’s a superficial infatuation, not real love that some actually settles for. Real love grows gradually over time, and not in one month no matter how long you have known the person.
Then of course, after you decide to go down the isle, you both will be living together. Imagine that you’re finding his underwear on the bathroom floor every morning and he’s cleaning up after your dirty dishes every night. You won’t be just having a roommate, you will be married to the mate. Which means, you can’t toss him out on his rear either.
These days you have to be careful and rushing into something because of a whimsical feeling can lead to trouble. Just be smart and consider a long engagement. Give yourselves a year to settle into the relationship and then consider marriage.
Don’t let the feelings that overcome you, overcome your judgement. Remember, you really don’t know someone as well as you think you do and people from your past do change. Don’t compare your life to anyone else’s since your life should never be mirrored to whatever else someone is doing. We all do things at our own time, and at our own pace.
Remember, the past is where you learned the lesson. The future is where you apply the lesson. Don’t be like most these days and give up in the middle.