Stephanie’s Adventures in Singledom: A Time to Reflect and Advise

BY STEPHANIE DOLCE

Each year we learn something new about ourselves, the people around us, and go through some type of struggle. There are happy moments, sad moments, and it’s great to sit at the end of the year and focus on lessons learned, but yet, focus on what you want the new year to bring.

In 2013, social media made me realize that a lot of people will fake change just to fit in. So many people want to chirp but can’t handle it when others chirp. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it either.   Never believe anyone who says you don’t deserve what you want.  There are always going to be people out there who will tell you that you can’t make your dreams happen. And the only reason they tell you that is because they are scared that you will indeed make your dreams a reality, while they are mad at themselves for not working hard on their goals. That is why this year I learned a value lesson from the weather; I learn to be talked about without responding.

Also this past year I learned that when a friend does something wrong, don’t forget all the things they did right. I had a friend this past year, or should I now say ex-friend this year, who preaches about forgiveness and God, but yet, I made a simple mistake, and she can’t do what she preaches. I do not have time for nonsense at this stage of my life, so the people that want to bring the drama, need to let it go or I will in fact let them go.  There’s no purpose for being bitter at anyone who was just trying to help. I thought she was in trouble and did what I was trained to do. She was more or less embarrassed, but that is no reason to end a friendship.

On the romance note this year I learned, not to play hard to get, but instead be the person hard to forget. You want to ultimately be the person you hope to find.  Also, towards the end of this year I learned that sometimes when you meet someone you just click. That is the TRUE definition of love at first sight.

Finally my Personal Motto for 2013 was: Out work ’em. Out read ’em. Out last ’em. Show up.  I think needless to say, I lived up to that motto, at least I know I tried.

I not only learned about myself this past year, but I also learned the following through relationships, friendships, and observing others:

Accept your flaws. Admit your mistakes. Don’t hide and don’t lie. Deal with the truth, learn the lessons, endure the consequences of reality, and move on. Your truth won’t penalize you, the mistakes won’t hurt you, but the denial and cover-up will. Flawed and vulnerable people are beautiful and likable. Liars and phonies are not. Every beautiful human being is made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions and finished with unique edges.  Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do. Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves over time. In the blink of an eye, everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. You never know when you may not have that chance again.

Relationships must be chosen wisely. Don’t rush love. Wait until you truly find it. Don’t let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you know you don’t belong with. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. A great relationship is worth waiting for.  A soul mate is a person who brings out the best in you. They are far from perfect, but they are a perfect fit for you. Remember, every relationship has its problems, but what makes it perfect is when you wouldn’t want to be with anyone else, even when times are tough. Don’t settle to just be someone’s downtime, spare time, part time, or sometime. If they can’t be there for you all of the time, especially when you need them the most, then they’re not worth your time. Choosing to be alone is not selfish, it is just smarter to be alone than with the wrong person.

When you learn how much you are worth, you will stop giving people discounts.  Remember, the new year will be like the old one if you keep on doing the same old things.  So here’s to 2014,  where new challenges are met with hope, love and strength.