Things Could Be Worse

BY JOHN MALONEY, The Spectator

Well, it looks like Obamacare has gone to the emergency room for treatment and perhaps down the drain. That’s bad for a lot of people…The Yanks had a terrible season and that wasn’t good…The football Giants need a miracle to make the play-offs and that isn’t good…The Social Security increase for next year is the smallest ever and that’s not good news!

But things could be worse! I’ve made a list of things that you know are going to make for a bad day when they happen:

· Your twin brother forgets your birthday.
· An IRS agent arrives at your door with five accountants.
· Your boss asks you how close you are to retirement age.
· You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
· You go to the bank to deposit your life savings and the teller is wearing a ski-mask.
· At your bachelor party, your wife to be is the stripper!
· You reach into your pocket for your wallet and find another hand there.
· Your brother tells you that you were adopted.
· You learn that your wife was previously married to a Mafia hit man.
· Lady Gaga calls and says “You’re her kind of guy.”
· You board a Clarkstown Mini-trans and discover the driver has a seeing eye dog!
· Lawn doctor pulls the plug on your lawn.
· You forget to play a daily Lotto number for your friend and it hits for $3,000!
· Your high school ask you to return your diploma.
· You clean your chimney in June and discover Santa Claus stuck there!
· You find last year’s Christmas cards unmailed in your car trunk.

Yes, it’s a bad day when:

· The shoes under your bed are a size twelve and you wear a nine!
· Your cat brings home a rare bald eagle in its mouth.
· Your wife, taking her driver’s test, backs into a car with flashing red lights.
· You go to a class reunion and nobody knows who you are.
· Pope Francis is asking you to leave Rom and never return.
· When your bride goes on the honeymoon with the best man.
· When aliens from outer space refuse to abduct you.
· You go to a legislature meeting and everything seems to make sense.
· You go to take a bath and there’s an alligator in your tub!
· The Avon lady rings your doorbell and she’s holding a shotgun!
· Your doctor tells you to take one pill a day for the rest of your life and he only gives you five

Yes dear readers, there are good days and bad days. Thank God for all the good ones!