Stephanie’s Adventures in Singledom: Special Excerpt for Hello Love, Where’s Cupid?

I’m just a few weeks away from the release of my upcoming book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid?” Some are saying that this book will be my best to date because it’s personal, raw, truthful and insightful.

It’s personal whereas I talk about almost all my relationships and my what I call, “Could have been” relationships and use them as a teaching tool as what NOT to do from both perspective. It was definitely most liberating to write about those relationships; some I wish to have forgotten about and some that still bring fond memories. I may even dedicate the book to one of those “could have been” relationships, but I am still on the fence on that one. It’s raw, because I don’t hold back. Like I have always said, if you want anything sugar coated, get a doughnut.

The insightful part of the book was the time I spent researching and studying the science behind how and why we feel what we feel and that 55% of your body language is the message you send out there to the world, whether or not you know it. I also dig deep into the world of online dating and discuss what these sites don’t want you to hear! Note, that the only time you will ever hear about an online dating site is when they find a “success” story to make you believe that it works, as you will find in my behind the scenes of my investigation.

So without further ado, here is an exclusive excerpt from my upcoming book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid?”

“Thanks to all the “reality” TV shows such as ,The Bachelorette,” young women have lost sight as to what love and the dating world is really about.

The first lie that this show makes it’s viewers believe is that if a single girl walks into a roomful of guys, one of them is definitely, “the one.” The second lie, is that all the guys in that room are going to look like “Calvin Klein” underwear models. Finally, the next lie, that gets viewers hooked, is that a man will propose just after two months but first you’ll have several guys fighting over who will get to propose. (It’s really the Bachelorette, that gets to propose, but you get the what I am saying.)

The hype and popularity of these shows is really disturbing. It’s amazing how we keep ignoring what the true reality of what love is but instead we’re caught up in believing what this show is trying to sell us.

Here’s why this show will never truly work:

– The producers agenda is not in choosing men they think the “contestant” will click with as much as they are trying to choose men who will give them the best ratings in “The Bachelorette” (and it’s the same for “The Bachelor” )

– Everyone these days are looking for their fifteen minutes of fame. And what a quick and easy way to gain exposure either by being the lucky girl or one of the men wooing her on TV.

– The Bacelorette has no real time to get to know any of these men deeply and truly. She is literally “forced” to go out with each guy for a brief period and then through the process of elimination, picking “the one.”

It’s a superficial infatuation, not real love that she actually settles for. Real love grows gradually over time not in about ten-twelve, two hour episodes. Let’s not forget that these naive contestants are taken all over the world to experience luxury dates they would probably not experience if they never signed up for this hypocrisy. The one thing that I don’t even think the young women who watch this realize is that the men who are the potential “winners” are less interested in getting to know the Bachelorette, and are much more interested in winning the prize.

Men are competitive. Period.

Men also love the idea of fantasy, and this show is ideal for fantasy, since it’s so removed from reality that I may throw up while writing this!

The producers make getting a root canal look much more fun than having the Bachelorette go through a pros versus cons of each male that is left in the “pool” for the taking. Finding a life long partner is not like buying a car. You don’t wake up one morning and say to yourself, “Okay, I need a husband,” and then get to look at twenty-five models, which you get to test drive and then decide which one is the “perfect fit.”

To date: There has only been one lasting relationship from this show. The rest have either resulted in heartbreak, divorce, or complete drama. Remember, if they take their fifteen minutes of fame and turn it into a career, then it’s obvious what their motives were all along and it certainly wasn’t for love but for the love of money.

I can’t say I blame ABC for airing this show simply because TV is all about ratings. And they play the game quite well. Who I blame for this mess are the naive contestants who end up on, “The Bachelorette,” who keep fueling the stereotype that it is not okay for anyone (especially women) to be single. Believe it or not, this show sends the message to every woman that if we are not in a relationship by a certain age, (The contestants are usually in their mid-twenties) that there is something wrong with us and our only option is to prepare for a life of miserable solitude and to get as many cats as possible! It is important to recognize that these “reality” shows are anything but real. Love doesn’t happen at the speed of light, but rather over time.

But, I can totally understand the obsession over shows like these. Growing up as girl, you read fairy-tale stories such as Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. After you read them, you immediately you start to envision what your romantic prince is going to be like. Is he going to be tall, dark and handsome? Is he going to be an athlete, an actor, a doctor, or maybe he’ll be a model? How will he sweep me off my feet? Will it be love at first sight? The questions are endless, but sadly the answers aren’t.

Yes, young girls dream about this and there is nothing wrong with dreaming about love and romance. Young girls even go as far as picking out every detail about what they “believe” their wedding day will even look like as well. Only we get a rude wake up call years and year later to realize that we were duped into believing such nonsense.

(For this part, I hope you are sitting down for this!)

There is no such thing as a fairy-tale romance. Period. You wedding may look or feel like one, but the hard truth is that love does not work the way they do in the stories, in books, or in the movies. It doesn’t just happen over night either. There are no bells or flashes of light that go off when you the “the one.” And the concept of getting butterflies is just that, a concept that people in Hollywood want everyone to believe about the feeling of love. Now, someone may make you get tongue-tied. And someone may make you get sweaty palms, a racing heart, and you may even feel a bit nervous when you are around that person. But there’s a perfectly good reason for that and it’s called chemistry.

Over the years, people have said that it is a fluke when two people share a special bond called chemistry. People have said it’s not real, but if you know someone in a relationship that has lasted longer than any of those Hollywood relationships, then obviously it’s real.

To have true chemistry, two people MUST meet the following criteria:

1- It cannot be a one sided attraction.

2- It cannot be forced.

3- There must be a sexual connection pulling the two together, although the connection goes deeper than just feeling something sexual.

Regardless of your definition of chemistry, it is a feeling that is sent from our brains that tells us that we have a connection to someone and that we need to be with them no matter what it takes. [ Think Romeo and Juliet just for a moment.] Chemistry though, goes way beyond a special sexual connection. When two people “connect” in all areas; sexually, minds, personalities and their hearts all connect forming the greatest companionship. In general, it is what the goal of dating is all about.

Chemistry is something very powerful. It is what draws us to one person, even if we hardly know them. But there is actual scientific research that shows just how we may be attracted to one particular person, but not another. Why we feel some people are more attractive than others and how our minds actually play more of a role than our hearts do when it comes to love. What it all boils down to is biochemistry.”

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