Stephanie’s Adventures in Singledom: Friendship vs. Love

Sometimes friendships are tested when one friend of the opposite sex is attracted to someone that friend is either jealous over, or feels as if that friendship will be taken away from them if they start to date that person.

But as I have said to quite a few number of people who have asked me about this over the years, the only thing that will ever ruin a friendship is being dishonest, sneaky, rude, and lacking communication.

Recently a young woman told me that she was attracted to this guy who she knew through several other mutual friends but he had a girl best friend who kept trying to poison the relationship simply because she was worried, that if he started to date her that she was going to “lose” him as a friend and things weren’t going to be the same ever again.

And what is ironic is that I find myself in the same situation now so when giving advice, I had to try to keep my emotions in check.

First off, I told her, that if his friendship with the girl was solid enough and a true bond was there, the only ones who could break up the friendship were those involved (him and her) You keep your friendships strong by offering your support, NOT by telling him or her WHAT to do, WHO to date and WHERE to go. That’s not a friendship, which is two-sided, that is a bully overpowering someone else.

Secondly, I told her another story that was passed along to me: There was this guy at a party and he exchanged glances with this girl all night, but she had to leave before he could ask her for her number. Coincidentally, the next day, he got a text from her because a common friend passed along his number and she mentioned that she really liked him and would like to meet up sometime. He then showed the text to his best friend, and she immediately told him, without even knowing the girl the following, “She’s probably just wants to sleep around. And she is too old for you, and she isn’t that cute anyway. Forget about her, she’s just not worth it.”

He didn’t bother responding to the text and forgot all about her.

A year later, he saw her again in another friend’s arm. She looked so stunning. He had a hard time holding his jaws shut, not to mention that he couldn’t stop staring. His friend introduced her and he found out later that she was his first real girlfriend. Apparently, she was only interested in a serious relationship, no flings and no sleeping around either.

He felt like kicking himself in the head for being such a jerk and blowing her off after she worked her courage up to text him and tried to get together with him.

What this story makes me realize at the same time, is how easily friends can manipulate you into walking away from perfect relationships.

They think they are “looking’ out for you, but ultimatley, what they are doing is making you give up on who could possibly be your soul-mate. All because they are afraid that you will spend time with your new squeeze and not with them. It’s when they do this that they are making you chose between a possible new lover, and your best friend. If they do that, then they are not your “best friend,” because friends want you to be happy. Friends want you to succeed. And friends want you to grow. Yes, friends, especially best friends don’t want you to get hurt, or have heart break, but no one can stop you from feeling and experiencing those things. They are all part of life.

My advice to this woman made me realize that I have to keep trying to get the guy to see just what he was giving up and for whom. Remember, everyone deserves a chance because not everything is as it seems. What you risk reveals what you value. And if you value your friendship with a person, then you treat them with respect. Some relationships are like diamonds . Some of them are fake, others are real and are very worth saving. Sometimes in life you are lucky enough to find your twin. You are connected through your soul not blood; at a depth that can’t be explained.

Friendship along with romantic relationships all have their ups and downs. But your true friends will NEVER purposely sabotage your romantic relationships or tell you never to pursue a relationship. They will support you, and be there for you if it fails. And if you are finding yourself in this position today, my advice is to not get involved! Even if someone asks you,” Do you think I should date so in so?” Remember, they are the ones who live with the decisions, not the person giving the advice, so the only thing to do is this; listen to them and tell them that no matter what they decide, you will be there to help them.

And that is what friendship is all about.