BY THE SPECTATOR, JOHN MALONEY
While standing elbow to elbow at some of the more famous Rockland pubs, doing research of course, I heard snatches of conversation from the assorted patrons.
Unlike the phony conversations you see in TV commercials, this is what real people were talking about, and concerned about
· I’ll bet you can’t name the five Finger Lakes in New York State.
· You look like an intelligent woman. Would you want to go to confessions to a woman priest?!
· Hey, Bill, your brother is on the phone and I think he’s standing on a ledge.
· Obamacare is another word for “I don’t care.”
· Who knows the name of the clown on the old Hoody Doody show?
· Now, it wasn’t Alex Gromack!
· My wife throws out the Victoria Secret catalogue before I get a chance to see it.
· Hey, Murray, isn’t that grounds for divorce?
· Do you believe the guy at the end of the bar never heard of Dizzy Dean, Carl Habbell, or John Mize? I’d check his I.D. He must be underage!
· Hey, Maddy, the Clarkstown Senior Show is on channel 78. Let’s watch it for the tenth time!
· I’ll buy a drink for anyone who can name me a place where the American flag always flies and is never lowered!
· You think this wind is strong. Hey, Ed, tell her about the time you were caught in a typhoon on a “tin-cow” in the South Pacific.
· Hey, Malory, I thought you were drinking Johnnie Walker Red. That drink looks like Johnnie Walker White it’s so weak!
· No, Mike, Lake Placid is not one of the Finger Lakes. I don’t care if it looks like a thumb!
· Hey, Whitey, how did you do at Belmont today?
· I had three exactas out of nine. I may have won enough for a couple of beers.
· No, Jack, Lake Superior is not one of the Finger Lakes. In fact, it isn’t even in New York.
· I had nuns in school. For years I never knew they had hair on their heads!
· Hey, Kerry, you don’t look too happy.
· I just found out no more free drink when you get the bottom of the bottle!
· Jerry: I’ve seen so many doctors this past week, I think I’ll open up a hospital and hire them. It might be cheaper!
· What happened to the free peanuts? You can’t blame that on Obama!
· Anyone who would want to be a county legislator must be out of his mind.
· Whitey said he had a horse at Belmont that was so good that it took seven horses to beat him!
· Hey, will you turn off the TV? The commercials are beginning to look good to me.
· She can’t act to save herself. The only thing that saves her is her body.
· Hey, Kenny, you know a lot about sailing. What do you do when there’s no wind?
· Hey, John, in answer to your questions about the flag, the guys at the end of the bar said the moon. You owe three drinks.
· John: Check their identification and make sure they’re not astronauts.
· I wouldn’t want to be the owner of a restaurant when Jerry the Chef walks in. Last week he complained at the place that the plates weren’t warm and the salad looked like crabgrass!
· The Whistle Stop in Nanuet is the only place where you get a buy-back before you order your first drink.
· Hey, Madeline, you could make a fortune selling your macaroni and cheese!
· Yeah, I think it’s the only dish that Jerry the chef never complained about!
· No, I haven’t seen that guy lately. He either died or his wife won’t let him out.
· Have you seen the picture of John with President Obama?
· No, I don’t want to get rich!
· Talk about fun! During the last snow storm, I called the highway department and asked them when they were going to pick up my leaves!
· No, you can’t eat meat on Fridays during Lent—unless you’re Jewish!
· You can’t get near the Rockland Bakery on Easter Sunday.
· Hey, Richie, who was the first baseman for the Yankees after Lou Gherig?
· Hey, if you came from the Bronx, you must know that Willis Ave. has more bars per block than anywhere else in the world!
· I have to wear the neck brace while the case is settled.
· Hey, Whitey, what’s the over and under on the Jets and Colts next week?
· Hey, John, how old are you?
· John: When I was born the Dead Sea was only sick!
· What, you never heard of Myrna Loy in the movie “Thin Man”?
· If anyone can name one Finger Lake, I’ll buy him a drink.
So there you are, dear readers—some snatches of conversations heard while I was meditating on my Johnnie Walker Red. And, since I said, “Lake Cayuga,” I had a drink coming!