Las Vegas is for Adults

BY ELLA STEINBECK

RCT humor columnist

I once lived in Las Vegas. Yes. People actually live there on purpose.

I had gone there on vacation for New Year’s Eve and moved there six months later. I had expected to go one time, check it out, and never go back.

Then I saw the red rocks, the mountains and Lake Mead. The Bellagio hotel, Cirque du Soleil and the Peppermill Lounge. The natural beauty and the manmade beauty knocked me out. Vegas was in my blood.

The fact that I could live a comfortable life with affordable housing and low, low taxes was the frosting on my cake. Vegas was the place for me but not always the “best” place for me or anyone. All that glitters is not gold. Keep reading. But don’t get me wrong. I’d go back in a heartbeat!

In case you are wondering, I don’t gamble. I don’t drink. I am, however, committed to living the best life I can with what I earn. I have never lived beyond my means. This is very important if you want to move to Vegas. Keep that in mind before you sell your house and call the movers.

For a woman, life in Vegas means it is good to dress minimally. You won’t be judged for it. In fact, dressing a little sleazy is a job requirement. You can’t get a job at a church or bank without showing a little cleavage.

It can be a lot of fun as long as you don’t think too hard about the message you are sending (exploitation). I learned a lot about men and women. Good and bad. It was definitely a study on human behavior.

In case you are wondering, I worked in a hair salon on the Vegas Strip. It was inside a large fancy AAA Five Diamond resort.  I have done celebrities’ hair like Nora Ephron, George Strait and Jennifer Tilly. I have used my clippers on arms dealers, coifed the hair of hookers, and given fades to men who ended up in Federal Prison for fraud. There’s no question that everyone goes to Vegas.

Las Vegas vacations are made for adults. Not kids. Not families. Ironically, nothing very “adult-y” ever happens there. Nobody goes on vacation to Vegas to plan their financial future, do their taxes or to become better parents.

What does being an adult in Vegas mean?  Well, for many it means blowing through their modest savings playing Wheel of Fortune slot machines or betting too much playing craps. You could change the lives of your children for the worse when naked pictures of you and your husband at the newest nightclub’s pool party are posted on Twitter for all of Sweet Valley High to see.

What happens in Vegas does not stay in Vegas. It stays on social media. And that will stay with you wherever you go.

You get the picture. Vegas becomes the trash can for society. People come from all over the world to eat, drink, smoke, embarrass themselves, disrespect women in something called a “gentlemen’s” club, and do whatever they can’t do (or shouldn’t do) at hom.

I get it. It’s so much fun! But living there, I always felt as though they were leaving a derogative psychic imprint or a permanent negative energy like a slime/cancer/tumor/cold-sore that us Las Vegans can’t wash off. We were left holding the bag of your weekend’s misdeeds long after you and your crazy friends left.