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Stephanie’s Adventures in Singledom: Birthdays, Babies, and Bachelorettes
Posted April 9th, 2014

BY STEPHANIE DOLCE

So, this past Monday was my birthday, which means two things, 1) I am another year older and wiser and 2) I am getting closer to the age where giving birth to children is not something I will be doing. (The age I have where my kitchen will be closed is 42, so I have a few years left to make this happen.)

As I wrote in my book, Hello Love, Where’s Cupid, “ But with all the freedom women were given in the 1990′s, their sexuality was also something that women used and took to many extremes. Between one night stands and exploring sex in many different forms, when a 1990′s woman hit the age of thirty: Tick-tock went their biological clocks. A study done in 1995, showed that 55% of women wanted it all: A successful career and a family. In the area of fertility, women were not equal to men and they NEVER will be! Our eggs have a shelf life while a man could start a family whenever he wanted, at fifty or even sixty years old if he wanted too.”  Although, research that has been going on in the past few years have found that the older a man is, the longer it will take him to get his partner pregnant. The chance of conception taking more than a year is about 15 percent when the man is over 35.  Plus, as men get older they have a decline in testosterone, and therefore a decline in fertility. So just because a man can make sperm doesn’t mean that it’s high-quality sperm.  Changes in hormone levels can affect a man’s sex drive, sexual function and sperm quality. As men get older, the quality of their semen declines in volume and quality. Older men have fewer and slower-swimming sperm. This makes it more difficult for the sperm to reach the egg and to fertilize it.

A study done by The University of Maryland Medical Center, reports that, although having a baby at a later age may put you at higher risk for complications, the majority of older women have healthy babies. Once you have educated yourself about the potential risks, you can turn your focus on all the things that go with a healthy pregnancy at any age. These include proper nutrition and diet, good prenatal care, and preparation both emotionally and financially for your baby and the care that will be needed.

There can be advantages to waiting until you are older to have a baby. Older women and men often find that they are more patient and realistic in coping with the challenges of a new baby than they would have been earlier in life. Likewise, they may have a greater appreciation of the joys of parenthood. Having established their careers, they may feel like they have more time to devote to the baby. [ Source: University of Maryland]

Women 35 and older account for 11 percent of first-time mothers while 31 percent of ‘first births’ now occur to women between ages 30 and 34.

So with all this said, back when I was a senior in high school, I was the sports editor of our school newspaper, and I was interviewed for the paper as a farewell to the school. I came across it recently and what struck me was the fact that I said that wanted four children, 2 boys and 2 girls, and a career that I was going to enjoy.  So, looking back and looking forward  part of this vision I had came true, while the other part hasn’t.  Over the years while I have waited to start my own family, I have drastically cut that number of kids I wanted down.  If I ever get the opportunity to start a family I definitely hope I get to have a son.  And if by chance this happens a little quicker than I expect, then maybe I can have at least two kids, but playing cupid lately and hitting that tricky ground as of late, well, something’s gotta give sooner or later.

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

See, many people are always “amazed” at how happy I am when my birthday comes. I celebrate for an enitre month.  I don’t look at birthdays as just another day older, or get all depressed because I am getting older, I look at my birthday as another year that I have been blessed on this Earth. It doesn’t matter how old I get, but as long as I continue to live, I’ll always discover something new about myself.

You don’t stop having fun because you get old, you get old because you stop having fun.

And being single and now knowing what I exactly want, how to get what I want, and knowing that anything is possible, is something that I know I have learned this past year.

It can only get better from here!

So if your birthday is around the corner, or if just past too, don’t be depressed because you are “just another year older,”  look at it as a chance to still make any of your dreams possible.

As I grow older, much older, I will experience many things, and the most important thing that I will learn will be that, to remain young while growing old is the highest blessing.  At my age I have learned to love myself for who I am, to love those that love me and not waste tears on those who don’t.  Age is just a number that indicates how long someone has lived. It doesn’t define us unless we allow it to.

Comments

  1. Jack Burns says:

    Good luck with waiting until you are 42 to have a baby. Prepare and budget for very expensive In Vitro and lots of failures and disappointments. If you do succeed and I hope you do, your child will likely not have any brothers or sisters to play with and be brought up by the lowest paid workers in Society…Day Care Workers. Very Sad and untested life for a child. The Myth you are buying into, if you are successful will be questioned daily as you try to keep up with a 2 year old when you are 44 years old, a few years away from being a Grandma and age eligible for most retirement communities. Talk to your doctor and not members Women’s Liberation ( who was liberated?) Movement for your Advice on family planning. Good Luck. Remember this, when your thoughts and words are full of cliches, you should be wondering why, not just uttering them.

  2. stephaniedolce says:

    Dear Jack,

    Thanks so much for judging me without even knowing me! Oh, and by the way, i have taught 2 year olds for over 15 years, 10-15 2 YEARS OLDS at 1 time… and *gasp* even at my age now!
    I think you are disillusioned into how much research is available now and the technology that is also available is greater today than it was 5 even 10 years ago.
    American women ages 40 to 44, birthrates have hit their highest point since 1967. Births have also become increasingly common among women in their late 30s.
    Many older women are turning to in vitro fertilization, a process that, between 2003 and 2011, saw its numbers rise by 50 percent among women 41 and older, according to Society for Assisted Reproductive Technologies statistics.
    Whether by natural methods or in vitro, the risks of a complicated pregnancy rises with age, but staying physically active and being in good health greatly reduces potential problems.
    Why don’t you do the research before you even bark up the wrong tree. Oh, is that too “cliche” for you?