Famous Father’s Day Gifts

BY THE SPECTATOR, JOHN MALONEY

Well, here we are with another Father’s Day just around the corner. I don’t know why it is, but Mother’s Day gets more attention and more coverage all over than Father’s Day. Hey, if it weren’t for fathers, there wouldn’t be any Mother’s Day!

The Spectator began to think about what famous men and women through the ages might have given their fathers as a gift for Father’s Day. When I was a kid growing up, we usually gave dad a tie for Father’s Day, or “after shave” lotion, or a bottle of beer. I don’t know what he enjoyed the most!

Napoleon – gave his dad Austria and Hungary.
George Washington – gave his dad a cherry pie.
Abe Lincoln – gave his dad some logs to play with.
Bill Clinton – gave his dad cigars.
Thomas Edison – gave his dad some light bulbs.
Liberace – gave his dad an old tuxedo and a piano.
General Patton – gave his dad two German generals.
Henry Ford – gave his dad two spare tires and a quart of oil.
Michelangelo –gave his dad two cans of paint.
Lady Gaga – gave her dad a headache.
Donald Trump – gave his dad a weekend in Atlantic City.
The Godfather – gave his dad two days to get out of town.
General Grant – gave his dad a half-case of whiskey. He kept the other half for himself.
Mayor Bloomberg – gave his dad a case of soft drinks, the large size.
Moses – gave his dad the 11th commandment.
Dean Martin – gave his dad a case of bourbon with a note that he would be coming by soon.
Barbara Walters – got her dad a scholarship to Columbia University.
Frank Sinatra – gave his dad a clock that went “ring-a-ding-ding!”
Charlie Chaplin – gave his father the silent treatment.
Cleopatra – arranged for her dad to have a trip down the Nile River.
Jesse James – gave her dad a bank in Missouri.
Teddy Roosevelt – gave his dad a big stick.
Jimmy Carter – gave his dad a bushel of peanuts.
Alexander Graham Bell – gave his dad a busy signal.
Laurel and Hardy – threw a pie in their dad’s face.
Sir Walter Raleigh – gave his dad a pipe.
Sherlock Holmes – didn’t have a clue of what to give his dad, so he didn’t give him anything.
Marco Polo – sent his dad some Chinese food.
Stephen Foster – gave his dad an “Old Kentucky Home.”
Sigmund Freud – gave his dad two free hours on the couch.
The Johnson Brothers – gave their dad a year’s supply of Band-Aids.
Stephen Jobs – gave his dad a bushel of apples.
Walt Disney – gave his dad a real mouse.
Tennessee Williams – gave his dad a “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.”
Richard Nixon – gave his dad a rarely-used tape recorder.
Tarzan – gave his dad Jane. He hasn’t seen him since.
Einstein – gave his dad a set of math problems that he himself couldn’t solve.
Houdini – makes his dad disappear. He doesn’t have to give him a gift.

Well, there it is. Happy Father’s Day to all you dads out there, wherever you are.